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and they wish they had me,
like i wish i had fire
what a sad way to be
what a girl who got tired

(god knows i just want to
make this white lie big enough to climb inside with you)


The perfect epitome of my general state of mind

Argh when my ph battery gets to 5% it auto dims the screen and if I’m outside I literally cannot see it like I understand you’re trying to conserve my battery but what fucking good is battery you can’t use?


Decided to say fuck it and just continue chilling until he finishes, moved to a grassy patch in the sun and just gonna soak it up.




James Deen and Stoya by Steven Klein. I believe this was inspired by one of my favorite photos of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin. Perfection with a modern twist.

Managed to get dressed and do makeup and package up a thing but that’s about it. Dropped it off and now at Starbucks. Both here and the walk here felt like I was completely separate from everything. Like the buildings and trees and people were fake, constructed just to mess with me. Like they’re part of a movie set or something and if I bothered to look close enough I’d see they were one-dimensional. Like I’m part of some experiment. Even though that’s so full of myself.

While I’m here I guess I’ll try and make some lists to make sense of things even though I never follow through on them.
Then I should go home and really “do the things”. But it just seems so pointless. Maybe I’ll just wander around with no destination for awhile. But everything feels too fake to connect with. I’m so blank and confused. I’m not sure what to do.

Some nice lady just sat down near me and said “cute outfit” and that was nice :)

I guess this is better than the completely stressed by everything bursting into tears at nothing thing right?

Husby texted (his first of the day) and said his phone is super low for some reason and he may not text until he leaves, I feel more alone now.


This too. 💋♻️💁